


what comes after

by rileypie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Death, Non-Graphic Violence, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 16:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19299763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rileypie/pseuds/rileypie
Summary: Sirius doesn’t know what he had been expecting, but he doesn’t think it was this.





	what comes after

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry: I have no idea where this mess came from.

The house is a fucking wreck.

Sirius doesn’t know what he had been expecting, but he doesn’t think it was this. There’s shattered glass on the lawn. The roof has caved in on one side. The front door has been blasted off its hinges.

Fuck.

He’s jumping off of his bike and walking up the path without even thinking about what he’s doing. The sound of his shoes on the gravel seems to echo in the silence. Everything is still. Way too still.

His feet slide as he tries to step over the pile of rubble that was once a door. This isn’t real. None of this is happening. At any second James is going to appear in that empty doorway, trying not to laugh as Lily yells from the living room about him making such a fucking mess. He’ll welcome Sirius in, and Lily will pretend not to smile as she asks what took him so long to show up, and Harry will giggle and ask where’s Padfoot.

But this is real and it is happening and Sirius is suddenly standing in that open doorway and he knew what he would see but he still isn’t prepared-- _how could he be fucking prepared_ \--because there on the floor--

James.

Everything else disappears.

“Sirius? Is tha’ yeh?”

He doesn’t look up, but Sirius nods his head as Hagrid comes down the stairs. The steps slant inward and creak noisily in the quiet night; in a detached sort of way, Sirius wonders if they were always that loud or if their structure has been compromised along with the roof. Along with the windows. Along with literally fucking everything.

“Yeh shouldn’ be here. Yeh shouldn’ have teh see this.”

But Sirius is seeing this. James’ eyes are wide open, and the left lens of his glasses is broken. His face is set in lines of determination and bravery, but Sirius knows him well enough to see the fear hiding in his eyes. Of course James guarded the door. He knew what was coming, but he stood his ground anyway. He probably told Lily to take Harry and run.

Sirius manages to tear his eyes away from his best friend’s face.

Hagrid is holding a bundle that looks absolutely tiny tucked is the elbow of his massive coat.

Sirius thinks that he’s probably supposed to feel something in this moment he’s in, but he doesn’t. 

_He’s shaking James’ hand on the Hogwarts Express._

Everything is numb.

_He’s crying on a four poster bed with James’ strong arms wrapped around his neck._

There’s a slight ringing in his ears. 

_He’s standing beside James, watching his face light up at the sight of Lily in that white dress._

He thinks his hands might be shaking, or maybe his whole body is shaking.

_He’s standing in St. Mungo’s, James is beaming-- **godfather** ._

The ringing is getting louder, but Sirius hears himself say: “Give Harry to me Hagrid. I’m his godfather. I’ll look after him.”

Hagrid is protesting--something about Dumbledore and Lily’s bitch of a sister. That doesn’t seem right. But then again, none of this seems right. James and Sirius were meant to live forever and Lily was supposed to tell Sirius off when he was spoiling Harry fucking rotten but now he’s stuck in some sort of hellscape where James is dead and Lily is dead and maybe it makes sense that Harry goes to live with the bitch who couldn’t be bothered to show up to the wedding. Sirius argues but Hagrid isn’t listening and suddenly Sirius doesn’t have the energy to fight anymore. He can’t hear anything over the ringing.

He tells Hagrid to take the bike. It’s not like he needs it anymore.

* * *

 

Sirius finds Peter in a crowded muggle street. The fucking coward.

There’s some yelling. Sirius still can’t hear well over the sound of that ringing that still hasn’t fucking stopped, but he can tell Peter is making a scene. Maybe Sirius is making a scene. He doesn’t know, but people are watching. Staring. It looks like some of the muggles are thinking about intervening.

Suddenly Peter is crying and calling Sirius a traitor and _accusing him of things_ that make Sirius’ vision go white. Fuck the statute of secrecy. Fuck a fair trial. Fuck this little shit of a traitor who fucked up every fucking thing when good fucking people decided they could fucking trust him. Fuck all of this.

He’s going to make the rat pay for what he did. Sirius’s hand is grasped around his wand, a spell forming on his lips--

**BANG**

The loudest fucking noise Sirius has ever heard is accompanied by a blast so powerful, he’s knocked hard onto his ass. The ringing in his ears is different; some part of him realizes something is actually fucking wrong with his ears now.

He sits up. People are screaming. Dust is settling. His ears are ringing.

Sirius gingerly gets to his feet and stares at the massive crater he’s in, which used to be a busy muggle street. There’s blood. Too much blood. His ears are ringing. He thinks he sees a part of a person and almost steps to try to go help but there’s fast movement in the corner of his eye.

Just out of reach, a rat scrambles up the edge of the crater and disappears into the thick crowd of people now forming in a ring. People are sobbing and his ears are ringing and someone is still screaming and Sirius finally realizes it might have been him, because the screaming stops right as he turns to face the middle of the crater again.

There, in the very center of the hole, is a single, short, human finger. And Sirius starts to laugh.

He’s laughing and laughing and laughing because what the fuck else is he supposed to do. The world must have ended, because everything has fallen to fucking shit. Everyone is dead and maybe the war is over but does it even fucking matter if he lost everything in the fight. So he stands in the crater and laughs as Magical Law Enforcement shows up and laughs when they snap his wand and laughs when they grab his wrists and laughs as they prepare to take him to Azkaban. But he has a final moment of clarity as he’s being led away. Moony. He’s leaving Moony. Moony is all alone and Sirius didn’t explain what happened or even say goodbye. Moony.

 _Moony_.

The laughter dies in his throat.


End file.
